"Check dis - as a gesture of peace and to make a couple of extra squid, me has laid down me Uzi, picked up a felt-tip and wrote a book. I ain't hexactly sure wot is in it, cos me can't hactually read (they never taught it at me school), but apparently it is full of well good advice on everyfing to do with surviving life in da Barkshire ghetto; stuff like what crimes you can comit legally, how to bone your bitch in a Renault 5 after da back seat is taken up by a massive sub-woofer and what to do in a drive-by or drive-thru situation. It also contain bits of me interviews dat was too good for da telly and best of all, some wikkid fotos of me Julie's swingaz dat I promised never to show no one. Plus, to help the envirolment, I iz told dat not one single page is printed on recycled paper. Get dis quality book in your shop - me guarantee you will get massive profits from people shoplifting it. Peace, G.";The book the whole of Staines has been waiting for - gansta rapper Ali G's guide to life. Comin' atcha!