I lost my son, Mathias, in a tragic accident on a fateful night in November 2021. He was struck while walking with his dog on the highway, completely disoriented due to a benzo he had purchased online. This book is my account of everything that happened in the following two years, from the heart-wrenching news on that fateful night to the moment I had to bury my child and the realization that I would never truly be able to enjoy life again. By means of this book, I hope to, along with Mathias, warn others about the danger of 'research chemicals' that are readily available in online stores. It illustrates the devastating impact of these seemingly harmless pills, often used for relaxation or sleep. I found solace by writing this story. I honour my son by telling his story in its entirety, as raw and honest as we experienced it. He was not perfect, but he is also a victim.