Do you feel disconnected with your partner? Do you feel coldness and distance within your relationship that is difficult to explain? Are you worried about drifting apart?

Attachment styles are the way in which we connect with other people. They are generally developed by infants and further refined by children, adolescents and adults.

Often, the dismissive avoidant sees themselves as some sort of lone wolf. They feel that they don’t need anyone and that nobody needs them. They can drift in and out of everyone’s lives without causing any sort of emotional havoc and they like that lack of accountability or obligation.

They may also shy away when you open up to them. Feeling close can feel like a danger zone and so they avoid it.

They value independence and ultimately fear that they will be enmeshed; the idea that a relationship will swallow them up.

If you believe that a loved one has this style of attachment, understanding where the instincts come from may also help you to respond to them.

People with dismissive avoidant attachment may show signs of:

Avoidance of eye contact.

Avoidance of physical touch.

Rarely, or even never, asking for help.

Such feelings, if experienced too often or too intensely, may ultimately make a relationship non-sustainable.

The good news is that you can change the attachment style. It may take time, work and a great deal of understanding from people in life. However, it is possible to build intimate, secure relationships that fulfil and help you to feel safe.

Understanding and managing the wounds of attachment is the best gift that you can give to your relationship.