Un-massaged penises cause more than half the world's problems--67%, to be precise. Neglected yonis cause the remaining 33%. The answer? This very short book proposes constitutionally mandated daily lingam and yoni massages for all of America's and the world's top leaders and policy makers, thus pacifying the war-mongerers by helping them get in touch with their "Inner Clitorises." Not only would this save the world from wars and economic disaster, it would increase total happiness and reduce global warming and catastrophic hurricanes. The book ends with an E.L. James quote and a Sumerian poem supporting its demand for Justice for All Yonis; and Peace to all owners of lingams and yonis.

This short book is for the Australian guy who laughed for two minutes just on hearing the title. Light on technical content, and tilted heavily towards priapic humor and satire, it is meant to be an endorphin-releasing gift of laughter: to yourself or to others. Warning: Not for puritanical or uptight adults, children, or Martians.