The Twilight Saga has been the subject of a few previous parodies -but I hope you will find this version unique. Most are filled with curse words and crude content, I wanted to make a parody that was super funny AND clean - one that was great, but wasn't in the gutter!

This is 95% based off lines & scenes from the movies, but there is some stuff from "Midnight Sun", such as Edward's (Tedwin's) perspective, him worrying about showing all of his teeth and about Ella falling into the ocean or doing something else clumsy.

Tedwin and his fridgitarian family members, including 4 adopted siblings (Alith, Jackson, Dimmit & Rose) reside in Ports, Oregon - a small town where they can live under the witness protection program with minimal interference, running their Italian ice cream franchise, Cold Skin Creamery. Growing up in the mafia was hard for Tedwin, and he's glad that his dad (Carlo) and his mom (Escusme), fled that life and came to America.

Everything is going fine until a girl named Portabella (Ella) moves into town, a girl who loves jalepeno pizza - so much so, in fact - that it runs through her veins. Tedwin doesn't know if he can have a friendship - or any kind of relationship - with this girl who smells like forbidden food. He also can't read her mind, which is very frustrating and new. His sister, Alith, assures him that she and Ella will be great friends. and that he and Ella will be together in the future.

Jason Dark-Grey, Ella’s childhood best friend (bestest, brightest and BUFFEST), also cares about Ella - much to Tedwin's chagrin. He turns into an animal, too- but not the one you think. He tries to convince Ella that eating so much junk food is bad for her blood sugar levels, reminding her that she might need her toes someday, but she is convinced that she can scarf down anything she wants: pizza, ice cream, doritos, etc - and her figure stays the same. However, something she eats in 'Baking Dough - Part 2' will change that and the lives of everyone she cares about.

Is there blood? YES. Is there baseball? OF COURSE!
Are there bad puns of movie quotes? TOO MANY TO COUNT.

What makes Tedwin’s throat burn like a white-hot branding iron? What does Jason beg Ella not to do?
What was Ella born to be?
Who had a human snack out in the woods?

The answer to these burning questions and more is what you will have to read to find out!